Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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