dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
did i walk over a car last night?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
