OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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