roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
