she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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