I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
