I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize