I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
