If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
