the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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