i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
