Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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