She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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