I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize