Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
