as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
