I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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