i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
