I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
