he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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