Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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