he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize