i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
