I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
