We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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