I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
