Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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