Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
