Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize