Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
