Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
