I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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