We got so high we made milksteak
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
