i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
