I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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