New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
