I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
