It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
