I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
