After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Your penis caused this!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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