i think i have two assholes
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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