Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
