If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
