Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
