he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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