you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
