Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
