he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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