a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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