I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
