Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
