we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
