I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
