hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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