This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
