...so i touched it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
