Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Floor bacon is actually really good
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
