so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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