Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
