My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
