i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
