Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize