Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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